Month: July 2021

As I was sharing with my sister-in-law all that my son has been through, I told her this felt like the song that never ends. She responded, “more like the nightmare that never ends”. And she was right. It has seemed more like a nightmare, but low and behold, it appears it has come to an end. After two full months including three five-day hospital stays, two surgeries, several procedures, a catheter, blood draws, countless IV’s, a few follow-up appointments, two weeks with an abdominal drain and two weeks on a feeding tube to administer meds, my son is left with a healthy body and 5 or 6 small scars on his belly to show for it. All that remains is to build up his strength and his appetite so he can enjoy the rest of the summer.

In today’s Gospel Jesus proclaims: “…whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

This hit me right between the eyes. I have been focusing so much on my son that my relationship with my God has gone by the wayside. Do I love my son more than my God? Has this trial been a cross that I am called to take up? Have I been trying to find my “normal” life these past two months only to realize I have lost it? Although I don’t think I could ever be worthy of God, I would hate to become unworthy from my own doing…

Bishop Barron’s reflection today held a great reminder: “‘And I will make you fishers of men.’ This is one of the best lines in Scripture. Notice the first part of the phrase: ‘I will make you.’ God is the one who makes us from nothing. To live in sin is to live outside of the creative power of God, to pretend that we can make ourselves. How wonderful that he tells us that he will make us!”

It is God who allows us to walk into the storm and it is God who leads us out of it. He molds us, shapes us, transforms us and makes us with each and every experience we live.

Our Psalm Response echoes this sentiment: “Our help is in the name of the Lord.”

Sure, I have received help from others, from family and friends who have supported me during this time, from doctors and nurses who have done their best to take care of my son, from perfect strangers who have prayed or sent gift cards for a meal, but it has all been the Lord working through them. My true stronghold, my one and only Sustainer is the Lord. I cannot rely on my own power or feeble strength.

So as this season comes to a close and we turn our focus on welcoming our fifth child soon, I pray that you also be reminded that God is in charge of making you and that your help is in His name alone.

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My kids’ bedtime stories consist of a good mix of library books, super hero conquests, animal adventures, outer space voyages and Bible stories. But about once a month, they pull out their baby albums and love looking at themselves as newborns. It’s hard for them to believe they were so little. 

Sometimes they also ask me to sing to them. One of their favorite songs is about Zaccheus, the tax collector: “Zaccheus was a wee little man, a wee little man was he. He climbed up in a sycamore tree, for the Lord he wanted to see. ‘Zaccheus! Come down! For I’m going to your house today. I’m going to your house today.” 

While three of my sons were born at about 8lbs 9oz and 21 inches long, my second son was born at two pounds and two inches less. He wasn’t a premie, he has just always been smaller. He knows he’s my little one, so one day he said to me, “Mommy, I’m just like Zaccheus, aren’t I? Because I’m small too!” 

I wonder if the apostles who were sent out to evangelize in today’s Gospel also felt small. They were told: “take nothing for the journey but a walking stick—no food, no sack, no money in [your] belts.” Were they scared, wondering if their needs would be met? Did they wonder if they were important enough that people would actually listen to them? 

We don’t have to do great things to make a difference. We just have to do what God asks us to do. I love the example of St. Therese of Lisieux and her little way. She just did small things with great love. 

Perhaps the apostles did feel insignificant or unworthy but in the end they believed in the power of God. They trusted that He would work through them and “so they went off and preached repentance. [They] drove out many demons, and they anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.”

I remember one particular moment when I was in the hospital with my son that I really thought I couldn’t do it anymore. Instead of asking God to give me the strength to go on, I begged Him, “God BE my strength”. And He did. I was too small to endure on my own, but asking God to take over and become my strength granted me the grace I needed. 

God can do so much with our smallness as long as our willingness is included. May the Lord be your strength today. 

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Today my coworker led our morning prayer and ended with, “Father, all I ask is that we find ourselves laughing today. I ask for nothing more than the beautiful gift of laughter.”

And what a gift it is, being able to feel so free, so joyous, so relaxed, that we find ourselves enjoying laughter. A large part of being able to genuinely laugh (not nervously laugh) is being able to let your guard down, being able to trust the situation you’re in, and being able to trust the people you’re with. Similarly, I find myself laughing with the Lord when I trust in Him. 

How many times have I found myself in some ridiculous situation that would normally be worrisome or stressful, yet I am laughing because I trust in God’s plan, whatever that may be. For example, I was once late to work because there were literally goats on the road and traffic was stopped while people got out of their cars and tried to chase them down. Instead of being upset, I laughed. I laughed because I knew how ridiculous it would sound when I told my boss that I was late because goats had escaped onto the road. I laughed because even though I would be late, I knew that this was a part of God’s plan.

You see, I was having a terrible day before this and, just minutes before, I had started praying in the car. I was just having a conversation with God. I asked for His grace so I could see beauty in the world. What I was given was the beautiful gift of laughter.

In today’s reading, Jacob trusts in the Lord enough to leave his home with everything he owns and everyone he loves. Then, he is greatly rewarded by the joy of seeing his son. I can just imagine his overwhelming joy, the tears as he laughs. His trust in the Lord’s plan, in the Lord Himself, means the beautiful gift of laughter is able to enter his life. 

So, today, pray for the gift of laughter. Allow yourself to trust in God. Drop the guard around your heart and… Just laugh.

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